Hey guys, it’s Jordan, & I think it’s time we had a little a chat. So grab a mug of your favorite tea (my favorite lately has been a watermelon, lime, & basil and y’all, it’s heavenly), and let’s chat. 🙂
As you may (or totally may not have, that’s definitely an option too) noticed… I’ve blogged a grand total of *ahem*…
…four times since sharing my pregnancy on this little space here, which makes me sad as this is the space I created to write out my thoughts, life experiences, and whatever else I felt like sharing. Whenever I poured my heart out and shared about my struggles with infertility for the months I was facing it (side note: to all you powerful, beautiful, amazing women who have fought that battle far longer than I did…may I give you a cyber hug?), I met a few awesome people online and began building friendships over sharing that common ground. Now that I’m pregnant, I’ve been so afraid to blog about it that… I haven’t.
I’ve been afraid because I know how much it hurts to see yet another pregnancy announcement when you spent the morning crying on the bathroom floor. I know how much it hurts to see all those gorgeous women on instagram sporting their instagram worthy bumps + perfect outfits along with it, especially those shots where they’re standing in the middle of flower field. Ugh, those flower fields. I know what it feels like to see another bump picture and wonder what it will feel like when you finally get to take one. All this to say — I know your pain, because not long ago, it was mine. And that ish hurts.
I dreamt of having a mom blog for so long, and when the time came for me to be able to transition mine more towards that direction – I couldn’t. I have yet to post a single bump picture simply because when I go to post it, I think of you – the friends I’ve made over this – and the last thing I would ever want to do is rub salt into your wound when it’s already so painful. Remembering that time causes my eyes to sting with tears, and it sounds absurd to anyone that hasn’t experienced it. But in this process, I’ve lost joy in my own pregnancy. My pregnancy has consisted of fear in hurting others that I haven’t yelled from the rooftops that I’M PREGNANT when, although I’m 20 weeks along now, I still wake up every morning in amazement that this little human is actually here.
I just wanted to take a few minutes and share why I’ve been hiding from my blog, and where my heart is right now. I pray that instead of my story causing you pain, that it will give you hope. I’ve missed blogging so much. I’ve missed this little community and the friends I’ve made over the short time I’ve been doing it. I want to make my dream of having a mom blog come true. To anyone that has shared their pain with me, or to anyone at all that feels the deep pain of infertility, I’m still here for you. No doubt about it. You’re not, nor will you ever be, alone.