Welcome to my new series: Loving by love languages!
The idea for this was sparked a few weeks ago when Thomas told me that when we first got married, he searched the internet for ways to love a “words of affirmation” because hi, that’s me. He couldn’t really find too much. So, here we are! There are five love languages (if you’re unsure what you are, take the test here! P.S. – have the people closest to you take it too, so you can better understand each other. Thank me later.), and learning to give love to people in your life based on their love language is key to a healthy relationship, whether it be a marriage, dating relationship, friendship, or even in relating to your kids or parents!
The five love language are:
- Quality time
- Words of affirmation – today’s post!
- Acts of service
- Physical touch
- & last but not least, receiving gifts!
We tend to give love the way that we receive it; say you’re love language is receiving gifts, but your spouse is quality time. You may show love by giving him/her gifts, but if you don’t purpose to spend meaningful time with them, then they’ll never truly feel your love for them, and that’s just not a good recipe for a healthy, thriving relationship. You must learn to speak love to the other person in the way that they best receive it.
It can be a bit tricky to figure it out, though. For example — A lot of girls assume that their love language is words of affirmation since hello, what girl doesn’t love compliments? The answer is none. But, for this to be your love language, it goes much deeper than that. A good way to judge what you are is to look at it in the negative. If you didn’t receive the __________ love language, would you still feel loved? If your spouse bought you gifts, but never spent time with you, would you still feel loved? Or, if they said the words “I love you”, but never hugged you or rubbed your shoulders, would you still feel loved? No one is necessarily only one thing, but you should have a dominant one that’s your strongest, and then a secondary one, and so on. Now, I’ll quit rambling about this! Be sure to check out the quiz, and read the book for more information! I 10/10 recommend this book to anyone who hasn’t read it.
I pray this series is helpful for you to truly learn to love the people in your life!
I will be having different people that are each of the five love languages guest posting, and writing what, in their experiences, makes them feel the most loved, and giving you advice on how to love those people in your own life! Exciting stuff, right?
Without further ado, let’s jump into the first one!
Words of Affirmation
I’m gonna start this off since, ya know, it’s my blog and that just seems logical. I’m a total words of affirmation girl. Give me a handwritten note and I’m a puddle on the floor in sappy tears. For Thomas, who isn’t used to being all wordy and stuff, it was weird and awkward to him to learn to “love” me, but we survived. 😉
There are two big things that he’s learned to do that keep me in a constant state of the heart eye emoji at all times:
1.) Say What You Feel, When You’re Feeling It
For real. Say you’re sitting on the couch laughing with your husband and his love language happens to be words, and you like the way his nose crinkles when he laughs — tell him. Maybe, you like the way his muscles flex when he’s taking the trash out — tell him. Or, say it makes you feel safe when he holds you at night. Whatever it is — tell him. Tell whoever it is you’re reading this for. For your friendships, adopt the same perspective, just carry it out a bit differently. It doesn’t have to be a shakespeare-esque waterfall of beautiful, poetic words. Rather, just let it be true from your heart, and let it flow in the moment, exactly what you’re thinking in the moment. Don’t force it. Don’t fake it. Speak the true feelings and thoughts from your heart towards the person you love the most. Boom. That’s all.
I want to link these articles just to give you some inspiration on this part! The words you speak to your words of affirmation loved one is a huge factor, if not the factor, in them understanding your love for them. Here is some great information for him, her, and friendships or relationships in your family. Read it. Print it out. Study it. Most importantly, speak it. Again and again and again.
I understand that this may feel incredibly awkward and uncomfortable at first, especially if you’re not used to talking this way. I encourage you to set a goal to say one thing each day. That’s not too intimidating, right? With time, and with practice (especially as you see how well it’s reciprocated because heart eye emojisssssss), it will become more natural. Just try it. Okay? Okay.
2.) Three words: Love.Letter.Journal.
If you’re just skimming this and didn’t even read the section above it, DO NOT SKIP THIS ONE. Ya know, just so we’re clear. 😉 I can’t stress the importance of this enough. Every morning, Thomas gets up before me and gets ready for the day, and while I’m still in bed (because sleep), he takes a few minutes and writes a little love letter to me. This probably has to be the best idea we’ve ever had. Now, instead of waking up with hopes of our bathroom mirror being covered in post-it notes or surprise love letters somewhere around the house (on top of all this, I’m a big dreamer and an over thinker…poor Thomas) and then having to remind myself that “expectations ruin relationships” — I know where to go, and it’s my most favorite part of my morning. Aside from coffee, of course. But, reading my letter for the day while drinking my coffee is the most marvelous thing that has ever happened to me, and it’s necessary for my survival now, thankyouverymuch. And Thomas – thank you for loving me so faithfully, down to all my little quirks and the things that make me feel the most loved. I hope I can show my love for you half as well as you do for me.
Come over here and kiss me now, plz.
I took photos, but the files are corrupt and won’t upload so…close your eyes and imagine a journal. Or better yet, drive to Walmart or the Dollar Tree, pick one up, purchase it, and start writing a simple, heartfelt love letter to your beloved each morning. Oh, and mark the date on each one. Call me too sentimental, but I have this dream of our great-grandchildren finding them in our attic one day and reading all these sweet love letters. How adorable is that? So, for this adorable dream to become your future great-grandchildren’s reality as well, be sure to date them. That’s essential.
You can still use this same concept with your non-romatical relationships, too! Write letters, write notes on post-its, and things like that. It’ll be a smash hit, I assure you.
I think that just about covers it! Thank you for reading! Be sure to drop me a comment or an email if you have any other ideas to add!
Quality time is coming up next, so stay tuned!